Building the Dog-Human Bond

Behavior & Training

Print [1]|Email [2]|Text Size:

Building the Dog-Human Bond

It’s never too late to reinforce this critical foundation

By Victoria Schade [3]

It was a misty spring evening, the first break in the April showers in over a week. My dog Sumner was strolling off-leash about 20 paces ahead of me, taking in the smells and leaving his mark when the mood struck. Then, a crash amid the trees.

Deer!

Sumner paused for an instant, one foot in the air, and then took off full tilt after the white tail disappearing into the darkness.

“Sumner, wait!” I called.

He skidded to a stop, looked over his shoulder at me, then back toward the hunt.

“Good job, Summie!” I shouted, pleased that he’d stopped mid-pursuit. “Let’s go this way!”

He trotted back to me, all the while throwing glances at the spot where the deer had disappeared.

When he reached me, I leaned down and gave him a quick neck massage. “You are so fantastic! What a good job!”

You might be thinking, “Quit bragging. You’re a dog trainer—of course your dog came back when you called.” Not quite. Yes, I’m a trainer, but I share the dirty little secret of many other dog professionals: my dog is far from perfectly trained. What was at work that drizzly night on the trail was something more than training. Sumner’s magnificent recall was an example of the bond in action.

The word “bond” is tossed around a lot when it comes to the dog-human relationship. Typically, the bond is considered interchangeable with the love we have for our dogs, but I see the two aspects as related but distinct parts of our lives with our dogs. Love usually develops naturally, but the bond takes time and attention to grow. Love is what makes your dog dance when you come home at the end of the day, while the bond is what keeps him from taking off without you when the front door opens. To put it in human terms, you feel love for your in-laws (maybe), but you share a bond with your best friend from middle school. A strong bond forms the foundation of your entire relationship with your dog.

In my early training days, I was confident that dog-friendly training could solve nearly any canine challenge. Your dog won’t come when you call him? He jumps, grabs, steals and pulls? Have I got a solution for you! Happily, the majority of the time I could help troubled duos work toward a resolution through training, but there were more than a few households where things just didn’t seem right, no matter how much training we attempted. There was a distinct lack of “spark” between human and dog—a concept that’s difficult to explain to a frustrated dog guardian!

In nearly every case, a series of human-created bond infractions had picked away at the strength of the relationship between dog and person. Some were major, such as physical punishment or not providing enough exercise, while others were more difficult to pinpoint—a lack of confidence or an unwillingness to have fun with the pup, for example. Basic training certainly improved these “sparkless” relationships, but I often found myself disappointed with our less-than-stellar results at the end of the program.

It became clear to me that in order to have happy, frustration-free partnerships with our dogs, we need more than just love and training. For a relationship that truly thrives, we must cement a bond with our dog built on trust, mutual respect and regard. An all-consuming task? Hardly. Strengthening the bond with your dog can be as simple as introducing novel games into your daily interactions, stepping up the amount of praise you give or integrating simple training exercises into your dog’s routine. The individual bond-building steps aren’t dramatic. In combination, though, incorporated with an honest look at any potential bonding infractions you might be committing, they will lead to a relationship that’s harmonious and envy-inducing.

A former client, Robin, told me a story that distilled the bond to a single concept. She was having furniture delivered and one of the workmen accidentally left the back door open. Spying her dog, Chelsea, he turned and ran back to shut the door, apologizing as he went.

“I didn’t know that you had a dog. I’m sorry I forgot to close the door—we don’t want her to run away, right?”

Robin smiled. Chelsea might wander out and explore the yard, or sniff around the delivery truck—but run away?

“Chelsea won’t leave.” Robin replied. “It’s not fun out there without me.”

Print [1]|Email [2]

Relationship Quiz—How Strong Is Your Bond?
To gauge the strength of your bond with your dog, ask yourself the following questions.

1. Does your dog check in with you during walks? Doe she occasionally look up at you, or is she at the very end of her leash the entire time? A dog who keeps her pace similar to yours and checks in (looks at you every so often) is acknowledging your presence and participation in the walk. You’re sharing the experience.

2. Are you afraid that if your dog slipped out the front door unleashed, she’d take off running and not come home? If you’re going through complicated rituals to make sure that your dog can’t slip past you when the door opens, it’s time to revisit basic training and give some thought to just why she doesn’t wait to see if you’re coming out, too.

3. Do you think your dog is “too stubborn” or “too dumb” to learn basic obedience behaviors? The first obedience class was fun, the second was tough, and then you gave up somewhere at the third or fourth week because your dog was the most excitable dog in the room, or the slowest dog in the room, or because you didn’t have enough time to get to class, or you just didn’t enjoy it as much as you thought you would. And now your dog is saddled with a label that she doesn’t deserve.

4. Does your dog seek you out in new environments (for example, at a crowded dog park)? In the hierarchy of what’s important to dogs, other dogs are right at the top of the list, so it’s no surprise that you’re invisible when you first arrive at the park. However, you should be more than your dog’s chauffeur and gate opener. The bonded dog wants to know where her person is no matter how intriguing the surroundings.

5. Are you frequently frustrated with your dog? There’s a degree of frustration in every dog-human relationship, but the word frequently in my question hits at the real problem. If frustration, which is only a few steps away from anger, forms the foundation of your relationship with your dog, how can there be any room left for joyful communication?

Is it ever too late to build a bond? No. The fact is that if you want to strengthen your relationship with your dog, you can. It’s never too late, your dog is never too old and your scenario is never too screwed up to commit to nurturing a stronger relationship. The process will be subtle. You may experience gains that are two steps forward, one step back—which can itself be frustrating—but have confidence in the fact that you’re making progress and your relationship is changing for the better. Both you and your dog will feel the change, and be happier for it.
—Victoria Schade

This article first appeared in The Bark, Issue 55, Jul/Aug 2009